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Her er du: NRK > Undervisning > Språk og reiser > Engelsk | Oppdatert 31.10.2001 19:01 |
| SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part two Publisert 31.10.2001 18:57 av John MarsdenMusic: Pat Metheny "Precious Jewel" FEBRUARY 28 I don’t want to write anything today. MARCH 1 Or today. Or today. Or today. Or tomorrow. MARCH 4 Grandma came this afternoon. We drove into the city and looked in some of the shop windows and then we went to a movie. I didn’t really mind being out in public. There weren’t many people around. I don’t care that much about my face. That’s not the problem. Yesterday was Grandma’s birthday. I didn’t forget. I thought about it all day. But I couldn’t tell her. MARCH 7 Today Cathy got fed up with me, for no particular reason that I know of. She came into the dorm in a bad mood, swearing at everyone and complaining about everything. Then she found some of my undies on her bed where I’d put them while I was sorting my laundry. She got mad and threw them at me and said: "And don’t think we’re going to keep feeling sorry for you all year." I was scared but I didn’t run away like I normally do. Now we’re in Prep again and she has sent me a note: I’m sorry about yelling at you. I was in a foul mood after science, because Hardcastle accused me of cheating. It wasn’t anything you did. I’m sorry - I think you’re nice and I want to be friends. It’s about twenty minutes since she sent it to me. I can't look at her. I can't move. I have spent the whole time with my head down, looking at this page. Now I have just started writing again. I want to die or hide or run away. I am scared to look at her. I can handle, have handled, most things in my life, but not this Music: Pearl Jam "Wishlist" MARCH 8 How strange it is for the new me to be liked. But I doubt if she meant it. I think she was just feeling guilty about yelling at me. In group therapy a lot of the talking was about family fights and stuff like that. But their fights didn’t seem like mine. In my ex-family my mother would yell and scream quite a lot and rush upstairs. But my father just became totally silent, an ugly silence, that went on forever and scared me forever. Sometimes I wonder if my father said anything at all at his trial; I should have gone, though, of course, once he’d pleaded guilty I didn’t have to. I wonder if he’s thinking about me tonight; if he ever thinks about me. I suppose he probably does sometimes. I’d never thought about myself as being important to him. They asked me if I hate him and I suppose I do. But the really important thing is to know whether he hates me or not. Well, I assume he does – so what I want to know is, how much? How much does he hate me? And why? What did I ever do to him? I wasn’t so bad, was I? Music: Richard Rolf "Ganeshpuri" MARCH 10 Cathy hasn’t really been any different to me since the note. Well, I don’t know. She kind of looks at me more, I guess. I hated myself for not answering it, but I couldn’t. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. But this afternoon, the dorm was deserted, and I did something really dumb. I don’t know why, but I went to the garden and I got a flower and I put it on Cathy’s bed. I don’t even know what kind of flower it was, for Christ’s sake! I know it was a really corny thing to do, but that’s what I did. MARCH 11 I think Cathy must have known the flower was from me, because she didn’t say anything, and if she thought it was from anyone else she would have said something. She’s got it in a glass of water on her bedside cupboard. When I read her note again I realized she didn’t actually say that she liked me. I think she just meant that she wanted to be friendly, and not mean. I hope I haven’t made a fool of myself. MARCH 14 There was a postcard from New York today. On the front is the most God-awful picture of some hairy ape climbing the Empire State Building. Maybe it’s my so-called stepfather. I wonder if my father will ever write to me? MARCH 16 A week from today is Easter break. I’m going to my grandmother’s. My so called parents won’t be back from America till after Easter. And I’ve got an appointment with Dr. Harvey on Tuesday. So that’s Easter taken care of Music: Pearl Jam "Wishlist" MARCH 18 After lights out last night everyone was talking about their families and stuff. Out of eight people in the dorm only two seem to get on well with their parents. Lisa started talking about how her parents are divorced since last year. I don’t think too many people knew that. Lisa’s voice was so low and so quiet when she was talking and everyone was kind of hushed. But they kept asking her questions, like they really cared, and she told them how her parents had fought for so long; then they’d sent her away to Warrington last year and as soon as she got here they wrote her a note saying they were splitting up. She’d been here five days when she got the letter. They told her that they thought it’d be better to put her into boarding school and then tell her, so she’d be in a different environment, or something. Like they were doing her a favor. I was tense, listening to all that, so tense there in my bed. I wanted to suffer, to feel the pain with her. It was like listening to my own voice in the dark. Music: Pearl Jam "Wishlist" MARCH 19 This afternoon everyone in the dorm was out on leave, except Lisa and me. Like last time I watched all the people come and go. Lisa was up in her tree once more, but this time I knew she was there. Once when I looked up at her our eyes met for a moment. She looked at me seriously, but in a friendly way, before I turned away again. It was nice to know she was there, somehow, yet I thought it was strange, because she could have gone out with anyone she’d wanted, yet she preferred to sit in a tree. MARCH 22 A terrible thing has happened, and I feel so bad that I couldn’t do anything. This afternoon I went to the dorm and as I was sitting on my bed eating a candy bar, Lisa came in, went to her bed and lay on it face down. And after a few moments she began crying! I could hear her. And I could see her shoulders shuddering. Her crying became louder, sobbing. From deep, deep down. I fluttered around the dorm wanting to help her, wanting to do something, say something, to touch her and comfort her. Imagine! Me of all people! Several times I went close to her, but each time, frightened, I slid away again. Eventually, after quite a long time, she stopped. Then she just lay there quietly until people could be heard coming back to the dorm. Then she got up and went into the bathroom to wash her face. When she came out she was laughing and joking with everyone and I guess only I could see what an act it was. That is her mask, I guess, just as mine is silence. Music: Radiohead "Paranoid Android" Vocabularyundies – undertøylaundry – skittentøy foul mood – dårlig humør/dårleg humør plead guilty – si seg skyldig/seie seg skuldig trial – rettssak deserted – forlatt, tom/forlaten, tom Easter break – påskeferie Kind of hushed – stille candy bar – snop fluttter – flagre After the programme1. What does Marina tell about her family in her journal entries for March?2. What do you think made Cathy take it out on Marina? 3 How can Lisa and her situation indirectly help Marina sort out her own situation? |
31.10.2001 19:01 SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part six 31.10.2001 19:00 SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part five 31.10.2001 18:59 SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part four 31.10.2001 18:58 SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part three 31.10.2001 18:57 SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part two 31.10.2001 18:56 SO MUCH TO TELL YOU – part one 31.10.2001 17:58 Urban Indians 31.10.2001 17:51 Powwow on the Reservation 31.10.2001 17:43 Ancestral Voices 28.08.2001 08:12 On the Information Highway |
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